Dont know what I'm doing

It is a funny thing to leave your empire of comfort and indifference and strike out on a course to be a light, to deliver a message to a broken world. By that I mean leaving my world of comfort and indifference to be with, love, and minister to (no doubt be ministered by) the homeless. Why do I feel called to such a mission? I don’t know, perhaps it has to do with proximity, or my own obsession with success and wealth. Perhaps it is because I’m the guy who looks the other way at the stop light, or because I’m the guy who says, “Get your act together and get a job!” Whatever the reason, it is probably the least thing I want to do while at the same time being the thing that I feel will make the most difference in my life. Not that I’m doing it for selfish ambition, I hope you understand.

So last Friday after work, I took some Jason’s Deli over to a group of homeless people who were finding some rest in the afternoon. Terry, James, Mack, and Shy. The first thing Shy says to me as I am being introduced is, “This is my girlfriend, Shy.” Ha. There was a lot of trepidation building up to the decision to go through with this plan to be a minister to homeless. What would I say? What would they say? What would they do or think? Would they yell at me, hurt me, rob me, or abuse me? I’m a big guy, but quite the coward it seems.

Of course there was the curious apprehension in their eyes as I walked up and offered my Jason’s Deli meal. “Sorry I only brought one” I said. But they were welcoming, polite hospitable as we sat on the curb of a closed Double Daves. While they were smoking cigarettes and drinking beer (not unlike some of my ministry friends) I struck up a conversation about UT Football. That really broke the ice and got them talking as if they had been dying to tell someone about what they thought about the situation the BCS was in (thank God for the universal language of Football).

I asked them about where they were from and what brought them to Austin. I suppose my theory is to keep it superficial. Build trust. I suppose I need them to know that I am here because of the love of Jesus which I intend to embody in their presence. And…that is about as far as I have gotten on that one. That is my only plan. I am interested to hear if anyone who has some experience here can help me think of something that I’m missing.

I am dying to ask two questions that I feel at this moment need to wait. First: How did you get in this situation? Second: Do you want to get out?

The first question will take some time, but has to do with their story. The second is the more pressing question for me, but really at no consequence. Do you want to leave this? If they say yes, which my guess is they will say yes even if they really don’t mean it; by that I mean it is not as simple as, “I’m a bum? Well, lets change that!!!”, but there are years and years of engrained behavior, experience, and worldview which has produced their current predicament (or so I think) which one could easily say, yes I want to change that with out realizing the extant to which that means. If they say yes I want to change then, boom, I’m in action motivated to empower them and myself to do something about this, which in fact is what I hope will happen…It would be so glorious. However, if they say No, I suppose what I will have to do is love them all the same. Continue to pursue them as God pursues me. Continue to pour out love, patience, faithfulness until hopefully they do decide to be rescued. I could be completely seeing this the wrong way, and I am completely open to being enlightened to that fact. But it is what I’m currently thinking about the ministry.

The last paragraph is packed full of a lot of theological anthropology, worldview, belief and possibly a million other things that I am not even aware of. It certainly needs some unpacking in the near future.